A Practical Guide to Supporting Loved Ones Through Loss
Dealing with loss is one of the hardest periods of your life that you’ll likely go through. Sometimes that loss can happen suddenly, and for others it can be a gradual loss that makes for even more pain and heartache.
Regardless of the loss experienced, finding ways of navigating through the pain and process is important. It’s not only useful information for yourself but also for those you’d like to support.
Grief is a non-linear process, but the most effective support will often come from consistency and long-term presence, rather than just a one-off gesture.
The Immediate Aftermath
In the immediate aftermath, meaning the following days after the loss, it’s beneficial to acknowledge the loss directly. Don’t avoid the subject and instead, text, call, or send a card. Anything to say you’re sorry for their loss and that you’re thinking about them.
Avoid vague phrases or offers of help and instead offer concrete help. That could be you’re going to the grocery store, send me a list. It could be can I take the kids off you for the afternoon? Anything that could be a help to them in this difficult time is useful.
Try to be supportive of any arrangements where needed, such as offers to help with funeral preparations, like the funeral services themselves, and to answer phone calls or help notify others of the passing.
Be respectful of people’s cultural and religious beliefs, too, as they may be different from yours.
Following Weeks and Months
In the weeks and months following the death, it’s a good idea to keep that correspondence and support going.
Keep checking in, even after the funeral, as that’s where a lot of the support for the individual will vanish. Try to listen without trying to fix the problem. Sometimes, sitting with those emotions and with that grief is the best way of moving forward.
Share memories and don’t be afraid of using the name of the deceased person. It all helps in keeping their memory alive, which will be something for a person that’s lost the individual will fear – losing the memories.
What to Avoid
There are some commonly used phrases and words of comfort that will likely land badly. It’s in our nature to try to say something comforting, even if it’s intended to come from a place of kindness and support. This may include:
- I know how you feel
- You should be over this by now. Or it’s time to move on
- At least they lived a long life
- They’re in a better place now
Long-Term Support
A lot of people can tend to drop off the radar over time, but it’s important that when someone is grieving, they’re likely to be doing so for the rest of their life. Therefore, it’s helpful to provide that long-term support through anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays like Christmas, which may be particularly hard for the individual.
Watch out for the signs of complicated grief and those who may be struggling who need extra support, even if they may not recognise it themselves.
It’s these tips that will help support a loved one through loss, regardless of how that loss has occurred.